I keep chanting Over the brewing thoughts in my head My mouth muttering My heart palpitating My sweat pouring "I am not going back" I am not going back Not to the depths To the spiral To the deep To the dark Where it is silent Because I can hear nothing but my thoughts Where it is dark Because any light I try to grasp is a facade I am on the slippery edge Hoping my spell would work Like the heroes' always do In the last second before defeat
When your muscles are aching
Your legs are swollen
Your heart heavy
You want to stop
Everyday is a struggle
Every breath a sigh
When did it become so tiring
To live
When did each deep breath
Become so shallow
When did the fatigue kick in
When did the fight become a struggle
When did swimming become drowning
When did running becoming escaping
When will the trail end
Why did it start
Blurred beginning, blurred ending, blurred turns
How will I put it
To describe
How will I end
I let my tears run dry
Hoping you would see the stains
That stick across my cheeks
But you only had eyes
For the way she smiles
I raise my arm to wave
But all I see is your back
I can admire your broad shoulders
But not lean on them
I see you play with her hands
And her letting you do that
I could, too, if only you would so much
As touch my finger tips
You ask for my help
To catch this girl you like
I asked you what you liked
And I could, why I couldn't do
What you said she could too
I only didn't have her face
And her voice
And her laughter
As you wait for her
And say she won't so much
As initiate a "Hi"
You don't seem to realise
That so
Days like this
I cannot calm down
My heart beats within me
Louder, it sounds
My strength is leaving
No hope retaining
My mind has darkened
Clouded, no vision
Days like this
I need a corner
To hug my knees
And cover my ears
To hide my face
And bend over
So at least
The tears
Can flow
Days like this
Maybe one of them
Is the day I die
Over and over
I would fall
By a simple touch
I sway
By a single smile
I stay
Again and again
I would say
Not once more shall I
sway
Now once more shall I
stay
I don't see how great you are
But my heart is blind
It loves the pumping rhythm
That resonates with mine
My mind sees
But it is easily charmed
It brings back the memories
That have sweetened with time
I had those moments
I distanced
Sway, but hidden
Stay, but away
Yet I always divert
From the path that I should
Because you are not there
Time and again
I tried to say
Goodbye, to you
But never did it last
For I always say again
Hi, there
Over and over
I fall
In love with you
The Voices In The Middle of the Night by GaMei-PeiLaTe, literature
Literature
The Voices In The Middle of the Night
In the middle
Again, I say in the middle
Of the night
When you think silence falls
You hear the noise
But your windows are closed
Your doors shut
Not behind the thick curtains
Nor under the bed
But coming from a place
I say, a familiar place
They creep out
And shout
Or whisper by your ear
They say, you must hear
You toss, they don't disappear
You hide, no you can never hide
Do nothing think nothing
Oh naive you can always only be thinking something
You can ignore
You can brush off
But never are they truly gone
You say you're haunted
They say we're no ghosts
"we are you"
For they come from within,
the voices
I say
My friend
I want you to know
Within them hold
The soft and the gentle
The soothing and the genuine
They contain the power
That endures the falling tower
They possess the strength
That support the falling walls
I leaned
I lied
Upon the gentle
Upon the strong
Up I am lifted
Forward I am persuaded
They point me to the hole
Where light seeps ever slightly through
But they themselves are the light
That brightens my cave
I say
My friends
To your kinds words, they
Thank you
In the middle of the night
When I lay on my bed
With my blanket pulled to my face
The coldness remains
The voices speak
At times they shout
At times they come whispering
In my dreams
My nightmares
My waking moments
The living hell
They curse who I love
They curse me I hate
I can never shut them out
Never am I louder
Never am I stronger
Always am I softer
Always am I weaker
They occupy my mind
They make me go mad
I pull my hair
Like I am trying to pull them out
I slap my hands
Like I am trying to slap them dead
I shout in silence
Like I am trying to shout them away
They never give up
They want me to give up
Will I lose?
And fall off the hi
I wish for the day
When the tears can go away
When I can once again
Break into smiles
And laugh the day away
I look forward to the day
When I can leave the world in peace
When I can finally
Lay down the burdens
And run forth to my King
I run after the day
When I don’t know when
When I hope I can
Be finally at rest
And in grace find an eternal joy